Your Own Footprints.

     It's funny the things you can find every so often that you have left for yourself (intentionally or not).  It seems that I'm getting good at that; the only difference is that I usually intend on doing something with my thoughts but then they somehow become "displaced", lost or forgotten. Hah!  Sometimes it's quotes of encouragement, others it's just random song lyrics that I can't get out of my head on any particular day. 
     Today I was looking through my phone waiting at the doctor's office when I found a note that I had written almost a year ago.  It was the beginning of a diary entry that I decided to record in my phone and save for later so that I could go back and add to it... but never did.  It caught me a bit off guard because what I had wrote was the way I was feeling today.  It's crazy how that happens, huh? Here was the entry:

July 11, 2011


I have been feeling down about myself today.  So much so that I started to feel ugly as sin.  I was to the point of tears, so I sat down and decided to just open the Bible and see what God wanted to say to me.  Without even looking, I just opened to the page that would come open the easiest... and this is what I read:


Song of Songs
6:4  You are beautiful, my darling
like the lovely city of Tirzah.
Yes, as beautiful as Jerusalem,
as majestic as an army with billowing banners.
6:5  Turn your eyes away, 
for they overpower me,
your hair falls in waves,
like a flock of goats winding down
the slopes of Gilead.

I guess the Bible really is God's love letter to me.

     All I can really say is, "wow".  Re-reading and re-experiencing that made me feel chills down my spine.  People say they can't "feel" God, that one cannot expect them to "hear" God... when really, they aren't looking in the right places, or really searching for what God is trying to say to them.  I've learned a major lesson today, just in re-reading my own diary entry from a year ago.  It gives me hope and makes me feel as if nothing can stop me.  God knows exactly what to say to you when you're down if you'll only let Him.  How wonderful that feeling is...
    I guess the reason why I'm sharing a (private) diary entry is because I really wanted you to understand that I'm not perfect and I never will be... that my life has never been a fairy tale.  But, God has been there every step of the way with me.  I may not feel His presence around me constantly, but when I need it most, He is there.  All you have to do is ask of Him and you shall receive.  We've been taught that all our lives, right?  Well, it's true and I'm here to prove it. 
     Another (private) example.  Last year when I was going through a very rough time in my life, I woke up out of a dead sleep one night unable to breathe, unable to calm my heart rate, unable to stop shaking and crying.  I don't even understand why it happened, so I chalk it all up to stress now.  All I can remember is looking up at the ceiling and begging God to help me stop this because I couldn't do it by myself.  You may not believe this, some people don't-- but kid you not, within a minute, I was able to breathe, my heart had picked up its normal rhythm.  All I could think was, "wow".  It actually scared me because I had never felt His presence so strongly. 
     There are other examples I could give you from that time frame, but the main thing that I want you to realize right now is that God is real.  Yes, things may happen to where you ask, "why me?" or "why would you do this, Lord?"... and there are times where you may not understand, but He is there in anything and everything.  He will never leave you, especially in your times of need.  It's like that poem said: there is only one set of footprints in your walk with Christ because He is carrying you.

Food for thought.