Your Own Footprints.

     It's funny the things you can find every so often that you have left for yourself (intentionally or not).  It seems that I'm getting good at that; the only difference is that I usually intend on doing something with my thoughts but then they somehow become "displaced", lost or forgotten. Hah!  Sometimes it's quotes of encouragement, others it's just random song lyrics that I can't get out of my head on any particular day. 
     Today I was looking through my phone waiting at the doctor's office when I found a note that I had written almost a year ago.  It was the beginning of a diary entry that I decided to record in my phone and save for later so that I could go back and add to it... but never did.  It caught me a bit off guard because what I had wrote was the way I was feeling today.  It's crazy how that happens, huh? Here was the entry:

July 11, 2011


I have been feeling down about myself today.  So much so that I started to feel ugly as sin.  I was to the point of tears, so I sat down and decided to just open the Bible and see what God wanted to say to me.  Without even looking, I just opened to the page that would come open the easiest... and this is what I read:


Song of Songs
6:4  You are beautiful, my darling
like the lovely city of Tirzah.
Yes, as beautiful as Jerusalem,
as majestic as an army with billowing banners.
6:5  Turn your eyes away, 
for they overpower me,
your hair falls in waves,
like a flock of goats winding down
the slopes of Gilead.

I guess the Bible really is God's love letter to me.

     All I can really say is, "wow".  Re-reading and re-experiencing that made me feel chills down my spine.  People say they can't "feel" God, that one cannot expect them to "hear" God... when really, they aren't looking in the right places, or really searching for what God is trying to say to them.  I've learned a major lesson today, just in re-reading my own diary entry from a year ago.  It gives me hope and makes me feel as if nothing can stop me.  God knows exactly what to say to you when you're down if you'll only let Him.  How wonderful that feeling is...
    I guess the reason why I'm sharing a (private) diary entry is because I really wanted you to understand that I'm not perfect and I never will be... that my life has never been a fairy tale.  But, God has been there every step of the way with me.  I may not feel His presence around me constantly, but when I need it most, He is there.  All you have to do is ask of Him and you shall receive.  We've been taught that all our lives, right?  Well, it's true and I'm here to prove it. 
     Another (private) example.  Last year when I was going through a very rough time in my life, I woke up out of a dead sleep one night unable to breathe, unable to calm my heart rate, unable to stop shaking and crying.  I don't even understand why it happened, so I chalk it all up to stress now.  All I can remember is looking up at the ceiling and begging God to help me stop this because I couldn't do it by myself.  You may not believe this, some people don't-- but kid you not, within a minute, I was able to breathe, my heart had picked up its normal rhythm.  All I could think was, "wow".  It actually scared me because I had never felt His presence so strongly. 
     There are other examples I could give you from that time frame, but the main thing that I want you to realize right now is that God is real.  Yes, things may happen to where you ask, "why me?" or "why would you do this, Lord?"... and there are times where you may not understand, but He is there in anything and everything.  He will never leave you, especially in your times of need.  It's like that poem said: there is only one set of footprints in your walk with Christ because He is carrying you.

Food for thought.

A Pirate's life for me.

     As many of you know, this is my last year at East Carolina University (at least as an undergraduate student) as I will be graduating in December with a Bachelor's in Arts of Hispanic Studies, minor in Psychology.  I have passed my OQE (Oral Qualifying Exam), have maintained a high GPA and am graduating with honors as a member of Phi Sigma Iota: Sigma Upsilon chapter.

Now, here comes the hard part. Decisions to be made:
     The first decision that needs to be made right now is if I want to go straight into graduate school, take a year off, take a semester off, or just not go to graduate school at all.  My dream has always been to be able to obtain a Master's degree of some sort that would enhance my education and advance my professional career.  After I graduate, I will have a Bachelor's of Arts in Hispanic Studies.  I can do many things with this degree because I know the Spanish language, Spanish culture, Spanish heritage, Spanish literature... etc.  I've been looking into a few schools here in North Carolina, a few outside of North Carolina and I have also been looking into international internships. 
     Right now, I am stuck deciding which pathway to choose from here.  Professional translation?  Bilingual social work? Bilingual speech therapy? International studies? Professorship in Hispanic Studies?  Everything seems like it would be beneficial to me, not only professionally but personally.  Today I found a Master's in Arts of Teaching program here at ECU in Hispanic Studies itself.  I'm not exactly sure what I would be able to do with that, but I am looking into it as we speak.
     But what's dawning on me now is that I'm growing up.  I'm so close to achieving everything that I've worked so hard for so long for.  I'm so close to being someone that I can be proud of, that my parents can be proud of.  That every decision from here on out is going to affect my entire future, the future of my family, the future of my future family.  Right now, I'm mainly concerned with myself.  I have learned that you must be able to support yourself, with or without a spouse.  Do not fully depend on anyone, only on yourself.  You must be able to continue life if something unfortunate happens.  THIS, my friends, is why I keep going to school.  This is why I keep pushing myself, keep advancing in my studies, keep trying so hard to be somebody.
     And you know what?  It's been a lot of work.  It's been hard, I'm not going to lie, but I wouldn't change a bit of my educational career.  ECU has been my heart and soul for 4 years and I'm so glad that I chose to come here.  I've met so many wonderful people, professors, lifelong friends and connections.  I've learned so much... not just in my studies, but ECU has opened my mind.  I'll admit that I was very narrow-minded when I came here.  Anything "different" was not cool in my book.  Now, being "different" is the exact thing that I love.  It's everything to me.  Equality, anti-discrimination, pro-love.  I am in love with the person I have become BECAUSE of ECU.  Because of ECU, I am a determined, intelligent, educated, well-rounded, bilingual individual who has so much going for her in the rest of her life.  I'm proud to say that I have been changed by ECU. Being a Pirate isn't just about being "fun" and a "partier"... it means being a part of an amazing community of other determined, successful, educated people who will stop at nothing to be the people they were meant to be.

I might not be the epitomy of the "ECU girl", but I will say one thing... 
"yo-ho, yo-ho, a Pirate's life for me!"

Feliz Día de Madre en los Estados Unidos!

Note: If you're confused about the title... it means "Happy Mother's Day in the United States!"

Today is Mother's day-- the one day of the year when our Mother's are appreciated, loved, and praised for what they do on a daily basis.  When I say "mothers", I am including the single fathers who play both roles, the pseudo-mothers, the mothers who aren't really mothers but act like it for the sake of the children they take care of... and EXcluding the mothers who don't really act like mothers at all.

I have many fond memories of my mother.  Without her, I'm not sure my life would be half as manageable as it is.  Heck-- without her, this past year would have royally screwed me over.  My mother has been there for me through it all, has never judged me, has always accepted and supported me no matter what the situation.  She has always provided for me, given me a shoulder to cry on and has cried WITH me just because the sight of sadness in my eyes was too much for her.  She has taught me how to be a woman, how to be a mother in the future, how to be a true, loving, gentle, kind person... and she has taught me how to be strong.  She has taught me the values that I should look for in a partner, but at the same time has shown me the strength and determination it takes to be a single mother when things don't work out for the best.  Without her, I'm sure I wouldn't have the morals or the values that I do have; the ones that make me who I am.  She is not just my mother, she is my best friend.  She has the biggest heart in the world and I can only hope to be as wonderful of a mother as she has been.

My question is... do you treat your mother the same way you do on Mother's day every other day of the year?  If not, you should rethink that.  There are many people who have no mother, whether it be because their mother has passed on or maybe they never even had a mother.  There are people who HAVE mothers, but have no relationship with those mothers because they never wanted children.  For all of us who do have someone that we can lovingly call "Mother", it's almost taken too lightly these days.  It's as if we believe that nothing will ever happen to our mothers because they are invincible.  I'd like to think that, but no one is exempt from the icy cold hand of death when it's time to go.  Shouldn't we treat our mothers every day with the same love, respect, compassion, appreciation that we do on Mother's day?

Food for thought.