Breathe

Breathe.  Just breathe.

That's what I have to keep telling myself.  God always said He'd never put more on your plate than you can handle... sometimes I'm not so sure.  It feels like I'm falling apart and I can't stop it from happening.  Like nothing in my life is controllable by me, only controlled by others.  

It's been a while now, since everything has come out of the darkness and into the light.  Yet I still can't pick up the pieces of my life and walk away.  It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me, a looming shadow that overtakes my very presence, still.  When will it ever subside?

Your decisions have directly affected me and the manner in which I will act for the rest of my life.  And you don't even seem to care... you claim that you do, but I don't believe you.  If you cared, this wouldn't have happened.

You've lied so much, it's hard to believe anything that comes out of your mouth anymore.  That makes me sad more than I can explain because I used to trust you with everything I had in me.  I believed all the things you said and I stood up for you when they told me that I shouldn't trust you.  Maybe you were the one that I shouldn't have trusted.

How can you go from being someone that I know like the back of my hand... to a complete stranger overnight? You were my best friend.  Someone I confided in, cared for, breathed for.  I told you my deepest, darkest secrets and never once felt that you would judge me.  You were everything I wanted even though you weren't "my type".  You were the reason I woke up, the reason for my happiness, the reason for my smile.  You were everything to me... couldn't you have cared about me just a fraction of how much I cared for you?  

Our love didn't blossom from a "lustful" romance... it grew out of a strong friendship.  And yet, you threw it all away over your own selfish physical desires.  Please tell me why.  You knew I would have done anything for you, no matter the cost.  "Head over heels" doesn't even begin to explain it.  I was in love with you to the ends of the earth.

You were the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with... someone that I couldn't see my life without.  Imagining it without you was like imagining a black hole in the middle of the universe where my heart should be.  Now you've forced me to accept this truth, this thing that I never believed in a million years would be in my life.

Now you use the excuses of being "young" and "naive" as to why you did what you did.  We both know that neither of these excuses justify why you did it... they are merely that, excuses.  You were so intelligent, so thoughtful, so brilliant and that is what helped me see past your lies.  You "didn't know what you wanted"... then why martyr the one who loved you in the process?

I guess it was just another case of the blindness of love on my part.