Post-birthday eval

Well, Ms Irene decided to make her wonderful debut this weekend... and left everything in eastern NC in complete devastation.  Of course that means that my birthday plans were completely demolished: Thank you, Irene! Hah! It's normal for my birthdays to be less than perfect; if it were any other way, I think I would have been shocked to say the least!  For 4 years straight, something always goes wrong... either a very bad event or in this case, natural occurrence. Haha!

My 19th birthday (freshman year) was marked by a terrible internal hordeolum in my left eye (a really bad sty on the under-side of my eyelid) that hurt like CRAZY!  And what was it caused by, you ask?  My new face wash: Neutrogena pomegranate facial scrub.  Never again... haha!  20th birthday (sophomore year)? My boyfriend (at the time) left for Korea for a year.  That day was absolutely terrible and I don't even consider it a birthday... I literally didn't want to do anything.  BUT my best friends that year (Al Lanier and Sierra Adams) threw me a huge birthday party at the Landing to cheer me up.  Gotta say, that cheered me up a LOT! (:

My 21st birthday (junior year) was marked by my fiancé (at the time) coming home.  You might say this was a GOOD thing... which, it was at the time.  But, on my actual birthday... my mom's gall bladder decided that it wanted to try to bust and make her go septic (which ultimately could have killed her if it happened).  So, last year I was cooped up in the hospital all day worried about my mom. Haha! She's fine though, thank God.

This year (senior year), Irene just had to demolish everything and make it absolutely impossible to do anything that was planned.  Boo on you, Irene!  BUT, despite the horrible hurricane this weekend... I'd have to say it was a pretty good birthday.  Nothing special, but the people who were there made it special.  We had my birthday dinner at the amazing Mi Cabaña; they made me wear a sombrero that weighed like 500 lbs.  My mom, nephews and niece, Morgan, Elaina, Christa and her husband, Brandon all made it to that.  After, we went back to the Peppers' humble abode and had cake! (Christa makes amazing eclair cake... yumm!)  As soon as I got home, I get a phone call from my besttttie, Lauren offering free drinks for my birthday at Applebees.  Seriously, who is going to turn THAT down?  Ultimately, it was a very good birthday... even if it didn't go as planned!

What I'm most thankful for on this day of my birth is that neither me nor my family were hurt in the hurricane.  We didn't sustain any damages here in Greenville and only had a slight disturbance at mom's house in New Bern.  Compared to what people went through and are still going through right now all around eastern North Carolina, I have to say that we are very blessed to be so fortunate.  There are houses, cars, businesses under water; people are trapped in their attics in the lowlands of Pamlico county, unable to escape because of the flooding.  Houses are demolished, people have been found crushed by trees that fell into their houses... it disturbs me that a hurricane that was predicted to be a category 1 hurricane could do so much damage in so little time.  I'm just thankful God was looking out for me and my family/friends.

P.S. Classes are canceled tomorrow for ECU.
happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me...

Pirate SENiOR! (:

¡Increíble! Estoy tan emocionante.

 

Tuesday marked the last FIRST day of my undergraduate career! Yay! I have to say that I honestly didn't think that college would fly by so fast.  It seems like just yesterday I was moving to Greenville as a slightly nervous but excited freshman! I never believed those that would tell me, "hold on, honey... those years are gonna fly by!"  Seriously, who ever listens to them?  But, I guess I should have.  Crazy how things work out...

Sometimes I think that if I would have done things differently my freshman year, I wouldn't be in some of the predicaments I've found myself in now... but, it's okay.  I'm taking full semesters now because I decided not to then.  I also chose to be a Nursing major as a freshman KNOWING that I did not want to be a nurse... I just didn't want to be an undecided major and knew that the medical field is where I wanted to be.  

I met some of the best friends I could ever ask for freshman year, but I've kept some of the best ones from my high school years as well; it's gotta be a blessing.  Sierra was my first "real" collegiate friend freshman year.  We were in the same nursing chemistry class and she just happened to sit down next to me.  Little did I know, this girl was going to be an amazing friend.  We're not as close as we once were, but I know that if I ever need anything, she'll be there no matter what.  I remember the first time I met my best friend, Al.  We were in the same freshman sociology class; a night class.  On the first day, I came in and sat down in the middle of one of the rows in front of some random boy.  We started talking (because, as you know, I'm not shy) and I found out that he was also a freshman from NEW BERN (NBHS).  So we struck up a little rivalry there; but it was all in good fun.  We are still best friends to this day and we've been through a lot together.  I honestly don't know how my life would be without him.

I also met someone that changed my life forever; both in good and bad ways.  I've learned a lot of lessons from that person that are only going to make my future relationships healthier and stronger.  I'm going to know certain signs and what to look for, and I'm also going to know how to see through people and their lies.  Secrets have no place in a serious relationship... especially not marriage.  He taught me that a lot of people these days are not as trustworthy as they seem... just because someone tells you they love you, doesn't mean that it's true.  He also taught me that people really do not change from the way they "used to be".  Sooner or later, they will regress back to the person they were and it'll leave you blindsided.  It kills me how someone so amazing could disappoint you in so many ways unimaginable.

All I can say is that I'm glad I switched my major to Hispanic Studies during my sophomore year.  It was the absolute best decision of my entire college career.  I'm so happy with what I'm doing and where I'm going that I could just scream with joy!  I know that sounds retarded, but it's true.  Spanish and psychology make me happy and I'm super excited about what the future holds for me.  For those of you who don't know, I'm planning on being a licensed translator for either a hospital system or doctor's offices while I go back to school for speech therapy.  In the end, I want to be a bilingual speech therapist working with ESL students.  Ecstatic!

Now for the concept that everyone has been asking about... as far as relationships go, I'm not opposed to them... I just don't feel that I'm ready or that I can really trust anyone at this point.  When you have the wool thrown over your eyes for a long period of time and then have a horrifying truth revealed when you trusted someone with everything... it's hard to "bounce back" from that in a timely manner.  But I do know that God has a plan for me and that just because that one wasn't trustworthy, doesn't mean that he doesn't have someone much better planned for me in my future.  I'm looking forward to that, but I can wait on God. (:

En todas las cosas que tú haces... confies en Díos. 

[In everything you do... trust in God.]

Re-do

"Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty who was and is and is to come.  With all creation, I sing praise to the King of Kings.  You are my everything and I will adore you." -Kari Jobe.


As you can probably tell (if you have ever read my blog), I have deleted every single one of the posts I have ever written.  It's not that those thoughts never occurred, nor that I just wanted to delete them from my life... it's just that I don't want false information on something that can be read over and over again to one's heart's content.  What I was feeling then is certainly not how I'm feeling now.  My life has been severely altered.  Not by my own choice, but rather, someone else's decisions.

But, seeing as how that is no one's business but my own, I will keep those details to myself.  What I am going to tell you is how my life is going now... my thoughts, aspirations and goals; and I'm going to start now.  From this post on, what you will read is nothing but the true, written standpoint of Ashley.

To begin with... a life lesson.  I'd like to point out just how short life is.  Do we realize that every day that passes will ultimately lead us to the rest of our lives?  Every decision you make, every step you take ultimately decides how your life will be until it is your time to leave this world.  With that being said, every decision you make also affects others around you; your family, your friends, your relationships.  The same goes for the other side of the fence: the decisions that the people in your life make affect you indirectly as well.  It also means that those decisions, whether they be good or bad, determine how your plans, your days, your years will pan out.

What I'm leading up to is this: the effects of decisions can be life altering if you let it take over.  If you choose to let someone determine your fate, determine the course of your life, you not only let yourself down... you're letting down the people that care about you, that love you.  Don't let one person or a few people ruin your entire outlook on life... your life.

The past 6 months have really been a test for me; I got knocked down to the lowest point of my measly life.  I let this person, these people, keep me down for months.  Literally, months.  Nothing anyone could say (the people who loved me and cared for me; the ones who had to sit by and watch as I drowned) ever changed the way I was feeling.  Life for me would never be the same, what was the point in getting out of bed?  What was the point in being around people who were ultimately going to betray me just like they did?  Looking back on it, I understood what I was going through... but what I failed to understand is that happiness doesn't come from people who are indecisive about their own lives, who are never truly happy... who fail to understand what the value of life is.  True happiness comes from your relationship with the Lord.

As soon as I stepped back and allowed God to take the situation out of my hands and into His... it became all so clear.  What is meant to be will find its way.  I am not to decide the fate of my life; it is all in God's plan as to what is to become of me.  What has happened would have happened whether or not certain things had gone differently.  Ultimately, God knew what would happen; He knows what's in my past, my present, and what will soon be in my future.  Now that I understand that, I'm finding myself again.  I'm a happier person; I'm through with worrying about what has happened and what will be.  I'm finished with worrying about what other people are making up about me to take the attention and focus off of them for a while.  No me importa.  It's irrelevant.

God found me again and pulled me out of the rut I was stuck in... and in return, I'm finding myself through Him. When I was going through these months of pure depression, I couldn't see the light.  I couldn't see God.  I wasn't trusting in Him.  All of those years of Sunday school and church, summer camps and conventions... all of those teachings were somehow being hidden beneath all of the pain and darkness that was being poured into my life. How stupid could I have been?  Up is where I should have been looking all along.  I'm not saying that I'm the perfect Christian... nor will I ever be, because no one is perfect but Jesus himself.  What I am saying is that I've found my way back, but this time... He's got a hold of me and I have a feeling He isn't going to let go.

Crazy how God finds His way back into your life... even after total destruction.


"They say it sounds insane, we say that we've been changed by the power of Crazy Love.  The world, it looks at us like we're ridiculous.. maybe it's all because of Crazy Love." -Hawk Nelson